


As Strong as You Could Have Been

by Lady_Sci_Fi



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 07:53:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19719391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Sci_Fi/pseuds/Lady_Sci_Fi
Summary: While Captain Yates is on medical leave recovering from the events in Llanfairfach, a General Finch finds him.





	As Strong as You Could Have Been

**Author's Note:**

> Fits within the "After..." story. archiveofourown.org/works/11301627/chapters/25287750

Mike Yates had just gotten back from a walk in the forest near the cottage where he was spending his medical leave, and put the kettle on for tea. He’d already been here a little over a month, and had two more weeks scheduled.

He’d waited about three months after Llanfairfach to take leave, which had probably only made his mental situation from the effects of the BOSS computer worse. He had begun to feel bouts of worthlessness, depression, and other negative thoughts. But now, away from the daily stresses, he was starting to feel better. The daily walks in the forest were especially nice. He missed Benton, of course, but they had decided Benton visiting or sending him letters could be too suspicious. He had hope that he’d completely be his old self again when he saw him again.

A knock rapped against the front door. Mike flinched in confusion. No one had come calling to the secluded cottage in the countryside since he’d been here. Maybe the Doctor, the Brigadier, or Benton had come to visit, despite Mike having told them that he didn’t need to be physically checked up on. The weekly phone call to HQ was sufficient at telling them he was fine.

He got up from the dining table, and pulled back the curtain to the window next to the door to see who it was. The sight of the lone military man in full uniform confused him further. Shorter than himself, thin, severe-faced, and mustached, with general ranking insignia on his army uniform. What would a general from the regular army want with him?

Mike opened the door almost hesitantly.

“Captain Michael Yates?” the general asked.

“Yes, sir,” Mike answered with a salute.

“Ah, good, my information was correct for your whereabouts. I am General Finch.”

Mike invited him inside and offered, “I’ve just put the kettle on, if you also want any tea.”

Finch nodded, and Mike could feel his eyes on his back as they went to the dining table.

“What brings you here, sir? Is there something wrong?”

“Nothing wrong, Captain.” Finch glanced around. “Charming place.”

Mike didn’t comment that the general hadn’t answered his first question. “Yes, I rather think it is.” He was glad for the distraction from the man’s hawkish gaze that came from the whistling kettle. He got up and poured two mugs and set teabags in them. He placed one in front of Finch and sat with his own. He put some sugar into his tea.

Finch took a few sips from his mug. “You’re on leave, correct?”

“I am, sir.” Mike tucked his long hair at the side of his head behind his ear. It quickly fell back to its original position.

Finch didn’t say anything else as he continued to slowly drink, which only made Mike more nervous as the minutes ticked by. If there wasn’t anything wrong, then why was he here? Was there something wrong with Mike that had the Brigadier deciding to return him to the regular army? He wouldn’t do that without telling Mike first, would he?

Mike shook his head to dispel those negative thoughts about his weaknesses. The Brigadier wouldn’t do that to him. There had been no sign of him being that displeased with him. He’d been understanding when Mike had requested the time off, and had even suggested this place to do so. He hadn’t gotten any negative sense from the phone calls, either.

Finch put down his finally empty mug. “Thank you, Captain.”

“You’re welcome, sir.”

Still, Finch waited another moment before he said anything else. “Pathetic.”

Mike certainly hadn’t expected that. “Sir?”

“You, Captain Yates. Puttering around a country cottage because you can’t handle your duties.”

“What?” Mike opened his mouth a few more times in shock.

“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Medical leave for mental stress?”

How did he know that? “That’s not… I mean, I am, but-“

“What use are you, if you can’t handle some stress?”

Mike winced. _Useless._ One word of many that had been on his mind. It took him several seconds to recover. “With all due respect, sir, you don’t know what happened.”

“I know all I need to about the situation.”

“Why are you here?” Mike didn’t need to hear any more about how much of a useless pathetic person he was. His hand clenched under the table as he attempted to keep those negative thoughts he’d been recovering from away.

“An incident in Wales, wasn’t it?”

Mike shivered. How did he know this? How had he even known where to find him? “You don’t-“ He swallowed heavily. _Feet kicking at him until he had stopped struggling enough. Hands holding him down in the chair. Large headphones lowered over his ears. An intense unbearable pain in his head. Then when they had caught him again…_ “You don’t know what happened.” What they did to me, he added internally.

“I don’t need to know the specifics. The result is right in front of me.” Finch sneered, somehow giving the impression of looking down at Mike despite being several inches shorter. “A pathetic excuse of a soldier who can’t handle the stress of his duties. You’re a disgrace to your uniform. Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart is being far too lenient on you.”

Mike’s fist shook. He fought to keep his voice calm and even. “Leave, please.”

“Is that how you handle things? Telling them to go away or running from them like a coward?”

“I’m not a coward. I simply… I simply needed some time off, is all.” _“No shame in that, Captain,” the Brigadier had told him._ Why was Finch here, dressing him down like this? This couldn’t be a test, could it? The Brigadier wouldn’t do this to him. He wouldn’t be cruel like this. “Please, sir, leave.”

“No, Yates.”

“If I… I’m such a disgrace, then why are you here?” Mike challenged, though he was unable to stop the tremor in his voice. “Why waste your time?”

Finch stood, and so did Mike. The general turned away, and Mike thought he was finally leaving.

Finch suddenly spun, catching Mike across the face with a pair of handcuffs. Mike barely registered the sting of metal on his cheek before an elbow to the center of his stomach followed, winding him. Finch managed to handcuff one of Mike’s wrists to the underside of the heavy wooden table.

Mike recovered, and yanked with his caught wrist. “What are you doing?” he shouted. He moved along the table to try to find some way out. He sensed Finch come closer, and looked to him, just in time to see a fist before it hit his face.

Finch caught Mike’s other hand and wrenched it behind his back. He grabbed a handful of Mike’s hair and slammed his head down to the table.

Mike cried out, but he struggled, trying to blindly kick back at the man. Finch pressed him down harder. Mike gave up on kicking, and returned to trying to get his hands free.

Finch bent down over the struggling man. “To answer your question, Yates, you are a pathetic worthless disgrace of a soldier, of a man, but you are exactly what we want.”

He heard more people come in, and soon became trapped in a hell.

********

Mike got up from his sofa at the sound of the front door of his flat unlocking. He knew who it was, and smiled as the door opened. “John.”

Benton rushed to him and enveloped him in a tight hug. “Hello, love,” he said into Mike’s ear. He kissed his temple before they pulled apart.

Mike planted a kiss on Benton’s mouth, then drew back, placing his hands on the other man’s waist.

Benton rested his hands on Mike’s shoulders and looked him over. “How are you?”

“I’m…” Mike wanted to say he wasn’t, that something had happened to him, that someone had hurt him, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. “I’m alright. You?”

“Better, now that you’re back. The Doctor and the Brigadier miss you, too.”

“I’m sure. I’ve missed them, too.”

Benton’s thumbs brushed over his boyfriend’s ears, and he chuckled. “I can see your ears again.”

Mike’s brow furrowed in confusion for a moment, then brought his hand up to the side of his head to feel at his much shorter hair. “Yeah, uh…”

_Finch forced him down to sit in the wooden chair and handcuffed him to it. Mike had become sick of the handcuffs by now. He struggled, but knew he was unable to stop whatever more they were going to do to him._

_“While Lethbridge-Stewart might not care about the professional appearance of his soldiers, I do,” Finch said with his signature sneer. “Absolutely disgraceful, and it really won’t do.” He roughly grabbed a handful of Mike’s hair and yanked his head back. He looked to someone behind the captive. “Make him presentable.”_

_Mike’s hands clenched and he squeezed his eyes shut. It was only hair, he reminded himself, and he was going to have it cut before he returned to duty anyway. It wasn’t important, not compared to everything else they were doing to him. Finch let go of his hair, only for someone else to take a lock of it. He shuddered as a comb went through it, then scissors cut it._

Mike snapped out of the memory, a second too late for Benton to not notice his slightly off expression. “I thought it was getting a little long. What do you think?” Though it noticeably was shorter than he would've gotten himself. 

“It’s definitely shorter and more smartly styled than I’ve ever seen it. It’s nice,” Benton complimented. Then he tilted his head and asked, “You sure you’re alright? You look… tired.”

“Do I?” He was. How could he not be? But he couldn’t say it. “I’m alright, I promise.” He wrapped his arms around Benton’s waist and moved in for a hard kiss. “See?” he asked with a flirty grin. He moved in again to kiss down Benton’s jaw to his neck, with a whispered, “I’ve missed you.”

Benton caressed the sides of Mike’s neck and kissed his temple. “Missed you, too, Mike.” His breath came out shuddered from the attention. “Love you.”

Mike’s hands untucked Benton’s shirt to slide up his torso. He needed this, needed Benton now, but Benton pulled back with a concerned expression.

“You sure you’re up to that? You don’t seem… well.”

“John,” Mike fixed what was an assuring stare, though he silently begged for his partner to see through his words and confidence. “I promise I’m alright. I haven’t seen you in about six weeks, and I want…” He really did want Benton right now. “I want you.”

Benton nodded, and his expression lightened. “Good, because I want you, too.”

“Take me.” Mike melted into his partner’s strong arms and kiss. He stumbled back a couple steps. But then Finch’s voice in his head scolded him, telling him how pathetic and disgraceful this was. Kissing another man, another soldier, wanting him, needing him, loving him… Mike winced, and muttered, trying to get the voice out of his head, “Let me have this… please… let me…” Don’t take this away from me, too… please, he begged internally.

“You have me,” Benton assured.

His love’s voice chased away Finch’s, and everything felt right as he and Benton retreated to the bedroom.

Mike moaned in bliss and dropped down to his elbows as Benton pulled out from behind him. Mike turned over onto his back, and Benton and kissed his way up his abdomen and chest to his mouth. Mike grabbed the sides of Benton’s head as their lips met. “Thank you,” he whispered as they pulled apart only the slightest amount to breathe.

After another kiss, Benton settled half-lying on top of Mike, propping his upper half up with his elbows. He grinned that adorable smile and pressed a kiss over the other man’s heart. Mike softly smiled at him, put one arm up behind his head, and petted through Benton’s mussed dark brown hair.

They stayed like that for a long perfect moment, both their bodies settling down from the wonderful high.

Then, Benton asked, “So, how was it, out there all by yourself?”

“It was... it was peaceful,” Mike answered. And it had been, up until Finch and the people from Golden Age had come. “Quiet, away from it all… just what I needed, I suppose.”

“That’s good. I’d hoped it would be.”

“And now I’m with you, and I’ll be returning to duty tomorrow, so everything’s… well, everything’s as it should be.” Mike’s little happy sigh faded, and he bit his lip.

“What is it?” Benton asked, ever perceptive.

“I love you, John. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do.”

“Remember that, would you?” Mike wanted to say so much, but he couldn’t. He screamed it internally, but it did nothing to verbally come through. He couldn’t break through what they’d done to him.

Benton’s brow furrowed. “Why would I forget that?”

“I… I don’t know. In case… in case something happens?” In case I do something to hurt you, he added in his head. He sighed with a tiny smile, “Sorry, I must’ve gotten a bit overly introspective in my time away.”

Benton accepted the explanation. “That’s alright. As long as you remember that I love you, too? In case something happens?”

Mike’s hand caressed the other man’s cheek. “Always, John.”

Two days later, the first dinosaur appeared in London.

********

_Worthless. Useless. My life doesn’t matter._

Mike shivered, and turned over again to face the half-open bedroom door. He heard the front door open and Benton come home, faintly singing to himself. But all Mike could do was stare straight ahead, stuck in what had happened almost eighteen months ago. He’d already tried meditating through it, but that hadn’t been much help. An abandoned book next to his pillow showed another fruitless attempt to get his mind off it.

“What do you fancy for dinner?”

Mike didn’t answer the question, not until Benton prompted him by saying his name. He flinched into awareness. “Whatever you like is fine.”

“You’re not alright,” Benton noticed. It wasn’t a question.

Mike shook his head. “Bad thoughts cropping up. All day.” He didn’t really know how he’d managed to work that day. A tiny sad smile flickered on his face. “Sorry.”

“No need to apologize.” Benton sat on the bed and laid his hand on his partner’s shoulder.

Mike’s hand loosely clenched in the sheets between them. He stared at it as he asked, “Why did you come back? Why do you stay?”

“Why did I…?” Benton took Mike’s face in his hands and gently eased him to sit up. He looked into the other man’s eyes. “Because I love you,” he said simply. He added with a note of guilt, "And I won't leave you again. I love you."

Mike averted his gaze, unable to stand the hurt he saw in the blue eyes at seeing him like this. “You deserve better.”

“Better?” Benton adjusted his hands on Mike’s face, his fingers stroking the hair hiding Mike’s ears.

“Better than me. Better than a-“

“Stop.”

Mike’s mouth closed, but that didn’t stop the sentence from continuing in his head.

“I am with a wonderful person. A good, beautiful, strong man.”

“I’m not strong.”

“Yes, you are.” Benton scooted in closer. “You are, love.”

“I don’t feel it.”

“I know. But you do believe me, don’t you?”

Mike shrugged, his eyes moistening with coming tears.

Benton lifted the other’s face up to look into his eyes again. “You are.” He swallowed heavily. “And for what happened then… you were as strong as you could have been.”

Mike let out a long shuddered breath, then tipped his head forward until his forehead rested against Benton’s collarbone. A few tears escaped onto his uniform shirt.

Benton protectively curled a hand over the back of Mike’s neck, and soothingly rubbed up and down his back with the other. He whispered into the hair, “As strong as you could have been.”


End file.
